essssspecial...

Huh.... Finally.. I decide to be fair with August

::::No Promises:::

I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when i lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with eachother;for those were some of the best times of my life.

As I look back on all that's happened..growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me -- there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever..and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.

No Promises – Shane Ward Song Lyrics

:::: Faithful Rihanna::::

First Lemme write the whole song (I am typing the whole song,,, its not just copy-paste)

"Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be
A murderer

I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well

Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be
A murderer

Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be
A murderer

I have been listening to this song since last two days and I came to the conclusion that Rihanna wasn't unfaithful... At least she knew what she was doing and she could feel the pain of her ex... She thought of her ex every moment while cheating on him...

If you call yourself unfaithful then what will the girls call themselves who treat even worse to their parteners...Chill lady! Its your life... He should not interfere in your ways... Tell him you dont love him and if he cant live without you... Kill him than just leaving him alone... Death is just a glimpse of what the actual feelings are for the guy....

I am ready to be killed.... Yes you can kill me ....

::::Excuse ME::::

Yes, I am drunk and this time its too much..... Reason???? Sandy!!! It was because of the biggest fraud you will ever experience in your whole life... The pictures.....
Lanka was so happy today. We met after a long time and he was so excited to show his pictures with his love and I never had the guts to say what I just came across today. I couldn't say him that we broke up coz he would ask me the reason and I can't lie to him or anyone of my friends. So it was better to hide everything from him. He showed me the pictures with his love with him and What would I show him,,,, The pictures of my love with someone else"...

Six years of complete failure......Yes, I celebrated my failure today with my friends.... I celebrated the lie that I have been promised during the six years... I celebrated the feelings that she has for me...
Thank you lady.... Thanks a lot..... This was a nice one....

I wish I hadn't such lovely parents for whom I'll have to live otherwise this would have been my last post,,,,,

My confidence, my trust, my love were trashed like they are nothing to anyone.... Please Lord help me overcome this ... This is killing me.... Its not something that I can handle... I am not used to these things......

Excuse me for all the shit above.... but I cant stop my fingers..... They are writing anything and everything.... Never knew I can lose control after drinks......

I cant hate you... never but after this day......... should I love you????/

::::IF I COULD, I WOULD::::

Hiii!!!! Its 3 in the morning and I am having a very bad headache. Earlier a disprin tablet helped but nowadays these are ineffective on me. Since few weeks I have been suffering from insomnia and I know what the reason is. Hmmmm….. This is one of the worst phases in my life till now. I just want these things to end as soon as possible. So many problems at the same time. Its just impossible to handle so many things together. Issues at personal level, private level, family level and social level…… No one can imagine what am I going through at present… Just trying to find the few moments of joy in the whole 24 hours….
If I could I would have escaped 2 years henceforth so that I get out of this phase. Rather it would be a better idea to move 5 years in reverse direction….. “Those were the best days of my life”. Tension regarding papa’s injured hand… It has been ages (8 months is a very long duration) and still the retarded docs say we need to wait and watch….Crap!!! Grandfather’s instability in health….. Sometimes nature behaves too rude to him……
I myself am suffering from chest pain, neck pain, cough and shoulder ache… but can’t discuss my sickness with anyone as this would hint about my smoking habits. Moreover, these days I am up to chewing…. Not gums, I mean the Gutkas…….. Apparently these are the reasons for my sudden degradation in health.
Life never seemed so monotonous and never did solitude seemed so distracting. The tension of campus placements has already mounted and its increasing day by day…….“Will I get a good job?” This is what I keep asking myself…..
You were the best part of my life…. Why did you do this??? How could you change so soon….. It hurts being ignored so badly in just 20 days…. I know it was always my fault to believe blindly in long-distance things…… Wish you good luck and safe future…. Hope you win trust and love at least for yourself this time……. I failed but you shouldn’t…..
Anyways, Just wish these times were ephemeral and does not hassle my life for long…… God bless….

:::Anonymous ME:::

Me – Hello!

Anonymous – Hi!

Me – Who is this?

Anonymous – I am Anonymous.

Me – What!!! Dude, are you in your senses?? What are you talking.. I am asking what is your name..

Anonymous - I already answered that question. Once more, my name is Anonymous..

Me – Stop fooling around!!! Either you are replying sensibly or I am hanging up the phone..

Anonymous – I just want you to talk to me.. What’s there in name???

Me – Alright!!! What do you wanna talk about??? Be precise, I do not have much time for you..

Anonymous – Anything and everything that you wanna speak… Speak out loud and clear… Say…

Me – Psych!!! What the hell are you talking about…. Who are you and why me??? I am baffled and speechless…. How insane of me to talk to you…

Anonymous – Love like you haven’t been hurt..

Me – Love, hurt… Not again….

Anonymous – Its not about who is right, who is wrong… Its about who loves you and how much…

Me – Now, this is height. Just let me know what do you wanna ask me.

Anonymous – You know the answer and you pretend not knowing the question!!! How does it feel
being single???

Me – Single!!! Who said I am single…

Anonymous – You broke up with the love of your life..

Me – Does that mean I am single. If that’s what you think then you need to be enlightened…. I am not single. I am in a long standing healthy relationship with me, my career, my parents, my friends.

Anonymous – But you don’t have the ONE.

Me – You’re wrong once again. I have the ONE. The memories which can be cherished throughout my life, I have them.

Anonymous – Is that enough??? How can you live with the memories????

Me – Dude!!! This is me. If you weren’t anonymous to me you would have known me. I can live the memories not because those were the happy days for both of us….because today she is happy…

Anonymous – What now???

Me – Why does it bother you?

Anonymous – Just asking…Sorry, I intend No offense.

Me – It’s OK… Now, Nothing….. I am on myself…

Anonymous – I am asking about your future..

Me – Let destiny decide my future and allow me to work hard for whatever it is..

Anonymous – Abe Dumbsass!!! I am asking about girl……#$#$%

Me – Huh…. I knew that… Was just kidding….. I had a girl in my life….. Nah ..I have a girl in my life…. I love her a lot…… Due to some unnatural circumstances she is not with me but she is mine forever…… I love her and I miss her badly….. very badly…….

“When you love someone you miss her badly but when you miss someone you love her even more”


Anonymous – Well said bro!!! I hope you get back together!!!

Me – I hope you don’t call me again…..

Anonymous – How rude of you…. HUH….. Bye….

Me – Bye brother….. Have a Nice day……. Hey!!! Hold on…Hold on… You didn’t tell me anything about your girlfriend…

Anonymous – Do you really wanna know??

Me – Okay!!! It was a formality… Anyways wish you luck and best wishes for your future with your girlfriend…

Anonymous – Thank you so much,,,, I wish you the same……

Me – That’s so sweet of you.. Take Care…. Bye.

Anonymous – OK, bye…

::::PHIR MOHABBAT:::::

"DIL SAMBHAL JA ZARA, PHIR MOHABBAT KARNE CHALA HAI TU", sung by Mohd. Irfan, Arijit and Saim Bhat from the movie Murder 2. Nah, I am not going to discuss the movie or music of Murder 2. I just want to say that this is the most apt song which I need to sing for myself at this perplexed situation of mine. Why do you keep thinking about her? Why don’t you have anything to do but think about the moments spent with her, for her. What has happened to your determination to forget her? Are you in love the second time????? Leave the second time, did you actually want to break up the first time????? Just think what she has done to you:::

:::Devil Sandy::::

Last 1 year has not been easy for you, Hats off to your control of emotions and nonchalant behavior in front of everyone. Screw you man!! This will always remain a mystery whether you needed to discuss the weird thoughts that you had about her. Things are over. She is moving on. As predicted, two-three days were enough for her to get over the feelings and the memories of the first love. If she can forget you why can’t you do it. She had hidden rather has hidden and will hide all those stuffs forever from you.. Mr. Zukerberg, I don’t know whether I should thank you or curse you for your superb, incredible invention "FACEBOOK". It was you who let me know about her and her so called friend circle.. We used to say people from our education system are broadminded. If that’s what "being broadminded" is all about I am ashamed at myself for being so. Few days before I had a text from a friend "Only 1% of girls marry their boyfriends, rest remain the passwords to the boys' email id". And she is the password to your bank account and she will be always because you don’t know how to change it....aaahhh!!! That’s a excuse you don’t want to change it...

3 years ago, you were apprehensive about this relationship but you had always been confident from your side and she had made you believe that no matter what happens you will be together... You had the feeling that its not easy to be different. "4 years, different colleges, different places, different states, no meeting, minimal knowledge about the well being of each other and still the relation is a successful one" Cut the crap!!! Are you kidding... How on earth is this possible!!! Never... Never... Never..... You had just experienced it, no human being is different and moreover she is a girl and you are not TOM CRUISE lol... It had to happen someday. Just imagine yourself in her place and give it a thought "Many guys around you, they are friends to you, they are open to you, they talk to you on phone, they continuously send messages to you, the guys try talking everything with you "everything"". How long can you restrict yourself.. One day or the other you are going to give up.. Long distance relationships are always bullshit!!! They never work nor will work. The commitments limit themselves to words... It is very difficult to actually commit to your partners when you are a girl. You had witnessed it earlier with your batch mate who had also done the same thing but at least she was pure and she admitted what she did and confessed it to her ex. the fact cannot be denied that she loved you but she loved only you?????? She couldn't bear the responsibilities that a committed person should have. She cheated you one way or the other. Moreover you didn’t break up on mere doubts but you have seen her chat history... is it possible for anyone to continue the relation after seeing that... The messages that you don't want to remember the contents. You had expected that she will have male friends when she goes to college but did you expect those messages what you had seen with your own eyes????? You couldn’t discuss these things with her,,, Did you have the courage to speak up what the reasons were for this incomplete relation. You always tried to give your 100% but your inner conscience never let you feel the freedom to talk to her.

:::Angel Sandy:::

Previously she was yours, later she was yours but not yours only and now she is not yours... Your love was never a show off neither was hers but things change, people change ... You have two options either stay with it and keep dying every day without uttering a word but speaking to yourself OR break up so that she doesn’t need to love you anymore. She can live her life the way she wants and with anyone she wants. Love her but don’t force her to love you... No one has a problem if you love her. Just don’t let her know that. Just remember what did you text Aditya Vardhan about his love failure "If you try to get love with the use of some external force or power that is not the feeling you want from her". Now the same applies to you, you have failed in relationship, the relationship ends but love never dies. Don’t force yourself to hate her. Remember the days:

When she was everything to you. When your day wasn’t a success if you didn’t talk to her or didn’t meet her. She was pure. You hadn't told her the future you had planned with her. What were you so scared of??? If you love her accept the fact. She is everything to you, how does it matter if she doesn’t love you anymore. Ok, you are jealous when you imagine her with someone else but you can’t stop anything. These are a part of the natural phenomena that keep on happening so that there is equilibrium between success and failure. Whatever you do now, she can never be yours.. You have to believe this and live with it... The good part about this "THE END" is that she doesn't know what are the actual reasons for such an abrupt end. You have convicted yourself for all the happenings during this one year. You said you didn't feel any connection now---"Was there any day or any moment when you did not think about the future of you both and this relationship"----You said you both didn't interact----"Didn't you want to talk to her always even when you were the most busy with work..... You just did this so that she feels that you don’t want to talk to her"------You said you wanted her to have her own space------" Dude!!! You had never objected on anything regarding her personal space and you knew what was going on with her personal life... you knew she had her own personal life which she was enjoying very well... you just pretended to be innocent of everything"...... You told her you have a very bad future----" Did you ever think of future without her,,, And yes life for you without her is definitely not going to be a superb one lol"-----

The pain that you were suffering from since the last 1 year made you lose all your emotions... Now, its time to heal all the wounds in your heart that was caused during this period... Now you don’t need to keep believing that she loves you. . . New world, new life ....."She loved you, you love her"...... You need to work on your future... You need to work for the love and commitment that you were a part of... The decision to crap up or "break up" was justified and you don’t need to regret that anymore...It’s time to speak up:::

:::Loser Sandy:::

I love you baby,, I miss you.. Though you weren’t fair to me and my love,, I don’t blame you for that--- that can happen to anyone and everyone depending on the situations around...I knew that, in a month you would have done the same what I did now, as you too had no option but leave me.. I made it easy for you.. Now, you can enjoy your life and so called friends lol...

But I will love you and I will live for you and I will talk to you. Huh..:):):):) you do not know I have your recorded voice with me:):):).... Anyways, love you forever....And yes I have a bad future because you are not with me.......:(:(:(

Superstitious India!!!

It seems extremely touching and caring when mothers feed dahi-shakkar to anyone who is leaving for a journey or any important job that must be done. The scene is more common during the exams. I still remember my “BOARDS” days when nothing could have been more relieving than dahi-shakkar by mother. It gave a good amount of boost to my confidence.. :) :) :). But why dahi-shakkar and not ice-creams or chocolates or chicken-kabaab :) :) etc etc etc…. Are these just because our ancestors believed that dahi-shakkar brought good luck and annihilated all the evil powers around us? They conferred their beliefs to their descendants and now it has become a practice to consider these beliefs before any commitment.

Whatever the reason be, whether religious, cultural, scientific or environmental these superstitions were greatly followed by Indians. And even today the scenario is no different. We still believe cawing of a black crow indicates the arrival of guests or seeing elephant forecasts successful journey and same with the peacock which is considered lucky during the journey. The most common superstition which can be seen anywhere around India is when you encounter a cat crossing the road ahead of you. It really doesn’t matter whether you are travelling in a SUV or NANO or motor-bike or bicycle or foot, you consider your utmost responsibility to stop and wait for some other person to cross before you so that the ill luck is transferred to him and you are safe and then resume your journey.

In this cosmopolitan world, it is really very hard to find people who will readily accept the fact that they believe in superstitions. If someone inquires about me I would say “I am definitely not superstitious but why to take risks?”. There is no harm in following these beliefs. They just take off any sort of tension that might mount during some important venture. Moreover they help in building confidence when somebody or someone wishes good luck.

Most of the superstitions we follow are unsubstantial, unjustified, unreliable, appear false and funny. Let’s recall the scintillating cricket match between India and Pakistan in the CWC’11. We all might have been doing something cute and different that we wouldn’t have done if it was just another cricket match. I remember how I entered the TV hall 2 hours prior to the commencement of the match and tried to remain in a constant position throughout the match. I relaxed myself during the ad-breaks but back in the same position when the game resumed. No switching of channels even during the ad-breaks. If there was something urgent I made it sure that it was quick enough to be finished off in a ad-break’s time. These breaks were quite a relief otherwise I would have stuck in the constant posture for hours…:) :) :)

It would be unfair if people blatantly say that they do not follow any of the superstitions. I myself have a funny belief that if we shave our beards during the exams, everything that we have mugged up will be lost….. People do follow superstitions but they are not superstitions any more they are habits…..

Being Average!!!

Blogging: 

A new hobby appended to the huge list of activities that I have been doing to kill my so called precious time. Wikipedia says "Blogs are usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video". Sandypedia says " Blogs!!! Heard it from a close friend of mine. It seemed interesting to become a blogger so why not just try it out!!!" I am not a good writer or anything of that sort but I have a lot of enthusiasm to perform all the activities of which I am damn sure will have no fruitful outcome or something that would please anyone. Anyways, it will be damn easy to vomit out everything that goes on between the evergreen enemies "mind and heart" which I can't speak to any of my friends so that I don't make a fool of myself in front of them. And someday if they somehow read my blogs they will come to know about my thoughts... As they say "There is no success without any risk". I am taking this risk. So, bear with me my future followers and don't let me fail.....

To introduce myself, I am Sandeep, one of the hundreds of thousands of engineering students, currently in the prefinal year in one of the premier technical institutes in India and hopefully will be having a Bachelor's degree by June 2012 if the insane professors are kind enough on me and my answer sheets. It’s not that I regret choosing engineering as my career or I wasn't interested in technology or I am forced into this field by anyone rather I love technology... mobile phones, laptops, i-pods, mo-bikes, SUVs, audio amplifiers, air conditioners, internet etc etc etc... Feel pity for the early age humans or the animals who are bereft of this privilege. Choosing engineering was my sole decision which was supported by my family and friends. In fact I wouldn't have done any better if I had chosen anything other than engineering.

The only thing that worries me is if you are an average student you stand unnoticeable in the huge crowd overshadowed by others, feeling abandoned. Maybe after 4 years of my college, my passion will become my profession but this profession won't give me the fruits that I had desired or expected from life before joining the institute. Someday or the other we all might have felt the need of some uninvented technology which would have made our lifestyle more easier. In my pre-adolescent age I wanted to invent a time machine so that I could alter the sync between present, past and future and this reason was enough for me to think myself as a future engineer or scientist for that purpose. In India, engineering is the easiest degree course to get admission into. Ironically, the subjects are too difficult to get into the head of most of the students. In today's scenario it is just a myth that if you join engineering you win a lucrative job, several proposals from beautiful girls, four wheelers, planes, expensive gadgets. For the average students its like "Struggle now or you will struggle more". According to me, the students can be divided into five categories:-
i. exceptionally good
ii. Above average
iii. Average
iv. Below average
v. Extremely poor
Two of them can be straightaway eliminated: exceptionally good and extremely poor. These people are insane. Its hard to understand them, their existence seems to be controlled by someone else from some other planet of some other galaxy. So its better not to talk about them. So basically, the students are average or above and below average. Except for a good number of IITians, all the other hundreds of thousands of engineering students share the same fate only because they are average or below average.

In school, I was a good student securing appreciable grades in almost all the exams conducted by the school or the educational boards. Moreover, in those days, the sole criterion to judge a kid's capability or his future was his annual percentage in the exams. My parents and me, both were satisfied by my performance in the exams. It wasn't before the 1^st semester examinations of my engineering when I heard a devilish voice from my inner self saying “Dude!!! You are no different. YOU’RE JUST AVERAGE.” The grasping power, the mugging tendency, general knowledge, general awareness, communication skills, sports, cards and many other factors when considered together, they added me swiftly to the never ending lists of the average students. If observed optimistically, I can console myself by thinking that I am above the below average students...

Being average has never done any good to me. I would like to share some of the recent instances; despite sending tonnes of e-mails to the HRs and the professors of several institute I haven’t been able to bag a respectable internship in any of the institutes or organization for that purpose. I haven’t been able to acquire a significant position in any of the sports teams or in any of the clubs functioning at our institute. The obvious question over here is after I realized about myself being average why didn’t I try to utilize the available resources and augment my interest and expertise in the corresponding field. It is only because of my crazy, obnoxious, wicked, lazy, stupid mind which never encouraged me to do anything that could get me accolades thus myself left as the same average guy..

Average people are just similar to the never stopping monotonous trucks that pass through the highway. When it approaches you, you feel like “It’s a truck” and when it crosses you, you say “It was just a truck” and forget everything about it. No opinions or ideas are taken from the average people. Their views are useless for everyone. No special care or attention is given to them as the below average and no one seeks any sort of attention from them as the above average. The most apt definition for us is “We are good at many things but we are expert at none.”

If you wish to be rewarded, to be respected, to be applauded, to be recognized, you have to surpass other people by travelling beyond the demarcation formed to differentiate between the average and others. I think for me it’s time now.. Others “Just Think about it”.